Tomorrow I’m going to look at a co-op. I’ve been thinking about buying one for a while now, but the task of saving isn’t always the easiest thing. Not to mention, I haven’t found one that really stood out to me.
Today in my online search, I found one that I absolutely fell in love with. It has a new kitchen and bathroom, which are two things I really wanted. The only thing missing that I really wanted is a washer and dryer. I’m not sure if that’s a deal-breaker. I’m really nervous and excited about going to look at it because I feel like this is “the one.”
While that sounds good, it’s a BIG step to take in life and financially. I just pray that I’m ready for it.
Last night I had a dream that I was talking on the phone to a friend of mine. As I was talking, I was looking outside of my bedroom window and I saw airplanes flying around. They were flying very low and there was a feeling that something bad was going to happen. Before anything happened, I woke up. I was very nervous, so I started to pray. I guess I fell asleep in the middle of praying.
When I woke up in the morning, I didn’t think of the dream. It wasn’t until I got to work that I remembered about it. I told my friend at work all about the dream and we were both wondering what it meant. She suggested that I called the friend who was in the dream because that particular friend likes to try to interpret dreams. Instead of calling, I sent her a detailed text message telling her what happened.
It took me by surprise when she called me back immediately, instead of texting. The first thing I asked her was “What is it supposed to mean?” Her reply was “Something bad is happening… the house is on fire!” She said she was cleaning up her room and her brother in law started yelling for everyone to get out of the house. All she was able to grab was her cell phone… no charger, no shoes, no coat… nothing!
Almost 8 hours later and the firefighters were still there. She said she lost everything. All she has is herself and her cell phone. Of course she’s grateful for life and for the fact that nobody was hurt in the process, but she really is left with nothing.
I’m lying in my bed. I’m disturbed. I keep having visions of death. It scares me.
Earlier, as I was shuffling through my desk, I thought I saw one of those cards that they give out at funerals. You know, the small laminated ones that usually has a picture of the deceased and a bible verse. It immediately made me think of my grandmother who passed away two years ago.
I just picked up my iPhone to text my boo and I thought to myself, what if he never saw me again. What if something happened to me and that was the last text I sent to him? Ok, I’ve successfully brought myself to tears.
I’m not generally preoccupied with death, but whenever I am, someone dies. I really hope that’s not the case. It scares me too much.
I know everyone has to die, I just can’t deal with death yet.
I was speaking to my friend about how the planning of her wedding is going. She said that things were going well, but she didn’t feel like she could be 100% happy around her older sister. Her older sister is 30 years old and single. There’s nothing wrong with that, but she thinks her sister feels some type of way about the situation since my friend is the younger sister and doing things first. Understandable. Her sister and her fiance were getting along fine, until this weekend. Her sister corrected him about something he said and he got offended and told her off.
My friend was telling me that she feels like she’s caught between her sister and her fiance. How could you choose sides between two people you love… and two people whose sides you understand completely? On one hand, my friend and her sister had the same upbringing, so she would have corrected him also. On the other hand, she knows him and knows that he’s sensitive about things like that, so she wouldn’t correct him publicly.
It actually made me think about my sister and I. As I mentioned before, I don’t really care for her boyfriend. I mean, I don’t hate him or anything, but I definitely don’t think they’re right for each other. I guess it’s not my business.
I thought of how she must feel about the fact that I don’t care for her boyfriend. Seeing my friend go through it, where now I’m on the outside looking in, has caused me to make a big-girl decision.
I’ve decided to tolerate him more in 2010. Exactly how that will happen? I don’t know. She purposely doesn’t bring him around often because she knows how I feel. At least I’m making an honest effort toward forgiveness and peace. Check plus for me!
Despite having a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, I’ve been feeling a bit down lately. I don’t feel that way all the time, it’s intermittent. I had a difficult time getting into the Christmas spirit. One minute I’m there, the next I’m not.
I think I’m emotionally in a weird place. Just looking on Facebook made me sad. For some reason, everyone whose status message I read, I thought of something depressing about their life and it made me sad for them. Who knows if they’re even sad for themselves… probably not.
I think my life has become mundane. I’m used to having goals to work towards. 2008 and 2009 have been a plateau. Although I haven’t been standing still, I haven’t really been reaching for anything either. I feel like I’m too young for a plateau in life. Onward and Upward for 2010. But to where?
I just realized something about one of my friends earlier today. If I remember correctly, I prayed her into my life.
I used to pray for a close female friend. When I got one, I started to wonder why I prayed for that. She was cool, but at times she was just too much. She wanted to do everything together and be on the phone with me 24/7. Like I said, she was cool, but that was just too much.
I guess to go from not having a close female friend to that type of friendship was a drastic change for me. I’m not saying I got used to it, but she calmed down a lot.
She goes to church every Sunday and believes in God. I don’t doubt her beliefs, but some of the things she does just don’t sit right with me. Who am I to judge though? After I realized the type of person she was, I prayed again. I prayed for a close female friend who was also into God and lived that way.
We met someone at the job 1.5 yrs ago (since we work together) and I just realized this evening that she’s who I prayed for. When we met her, we all clicked. She always has good advice and is someone good to look up to. I enjoyed working with her because we always had thought provoking conversations, or as we call it “round table discussions.” She no longer works with me, but I had a 2 hr conversation with her the other night and I realized how grounded she is, how much I grew being in her presence and how much I can still learn from her. She still makes me think.
I feel very ungrateful… so today, I won’t complain.
I found out that someone I know lost her mother unexpectedly this past weekend, so today I won’t complain. Have you thanked God today for life and all that comes with it?
A friend of mine is in the hospital and the lesions on her brain that disappeared before, have reappeared. Have you thanked God today for your health? Today, I won’t complain.
I complain daily about my job. I’ve even wondered what it would take for them to terminate me, but my bills are paid and I can save money. On the other hand, my father and my sister have been looking for jobs for a long time now. How ungrateful am I? Today, I won’t complain.
I’ve read numerous Facebook statuses this week alone that all contain the three letters… R.I.P. Today, I won’t complain.
I complain when things don’t go the way I think they should. I admit that I haven’t been very grateful lately. There are so many people who have the weight of the world on their shoulders. God has blessed me tremendously and for that reason… today, I promise you, I won’t complain.
This evening one of my dear friends got engaged. Although we knew it was coming, it still took me by surprise. It could be because she just sent me an e.mail of the ring, no message, nothing. I definitely gasped when I saw it. I can’t wait to see it in person. I’m really happy for them. He’s a cool guy.
This year I went to a ton of weddings. Next year I’ll be going to a ton more. There’s at least three that I know of already. (One in St. Lucia, which I’m realllly looking forward to). I am extremely happy for each one of them, but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t make me feel some type of way. I’m on the fence. On one hand I’d like the same for myself now, but on the other hand I know things will flow as they should when the time is right. I guess patience is a virtue.
My sister asked me a question on Twitter: “Why would u leave a job where u have freewill 2 go on long lunches, come in late & take lots of breaks?” She went on to say that she doesn’t like anyone keeping tabs on her and that she plans to open her own law firm so that she’s in control.
I really thought about it for a minute, because it does sound like it would be an ideal job since nobody is watching my every move. Not everything that sounds good, is good.
I began to explain to her that it’s not that I like/need to be told what to do. I need to be in a serious environment where the work I do is fulfilling, respected and beneficial to my patients.
I didn’t become a RN to waste my time and not use my brain. At my current job, I’m not challenged. I feel like I’m wasting away. To me, work is like a relationship… I need to feel needed and like I’m contributing to a greater cause. I need to feel like you can’t function properly without me.
As much as I hated working at the hospital, I knew that if I didn’t show up to work I would be creating a tough situation for my co-workers as well as an unsafe situation for my patients. I don’t know if that’s such a great thing, but bottom line is… YOU NEED ME!
Nobody needs me now. I know you don’t need me. You know you don’t need me. So why am I still here?
So baby boy came on Friday 10.30.09. I went in the OR with my aunt, but they wouldn’t let me watch. Blah! It was still cool though. I got to see him as soon as he came out and he was still covered with muck! When the Dr. took him out, the first thing she said was “Heeeyyyyy Chubby!” He was a big boy… 9lbs. 7oz. I have a picture of me in the OR holding him, looking like the proud father. LOL.
Anyway, he’s doing well and so is my aunt. I go to visit them like every other day. It’s crazy how different he looks from day to day and how his complexion is changing.
Yesterday my aunt called me and said, “I’m not asking you, I’m telling you that you’re going to be his god-mother.” Well ok then! I wouldn’t have denied anyway. I guess she thought I would have. He’ll be my first god-child. What a responsibility!