B. Good got me thinking. I was initially toying with the idea of e.mailing an ex female friend to clear the air. We haven’t spoken in months, but I don’t think I like the idea of her walking around thinking we’re still friends and we’re cool… because we’re not! …and she made it that way!
I went through not caring about the situation, to being angry about it, to forgetting about it, to praying about it. No matter what I do, when I think of her I still get angry and can no forgive her and move on. Despite all of the nonsense she did, what hurt me the most was when she said that she didn’t want to be friends now, but she didn’t want to burn any bridges in case she decided she wanted to be friends in the future. Of course, not in those words. In fact, through all of her acting shady, I asked if she wanted to remain friends and she lied and said yes, which was followed by more shadiness and distance.
I was planning to write one of those e.mails where you completely clear your mind and creatively and precisely write every thought you ever wanted to express about the situation. The kind of e.mail where the weight is completely lifted off of you. The kind of e.mail where you write and don’t care if they respond. As a matter of fact, where you don’t want them to respond because there’s nothing they can say or do at that point. The kind of e.mail where I have the last word and then close that chapter of my life. The kind of e.mail that offers release and will allow me to forgive her and not look back.
…still toying with the idea.
January 29, 2008 | 11:58 am
Girl, I find myself still toying with the idea. Even after I already made the move and initiated contact (yesterday). I get the call back…today (all after the fact). I didn’t get into it, because I’m at work, so I told him to call me later. Poor guy, he’s all jipper, probably thinking this is the reconciliation call……and, it aint.
I’ve been trying to decide if I still feel as strongly about it today as I did yesterday, but I have a habit of just “dropping it”, and still not being totally done with it. So I’m committing myself to my instinct, and getting over this bad habit of not speaking up for myself. (hmmm, I think I sparked a post topic)
But yeah, this is supposed to be about you *oops*, so……I think its worth writing out the email, even if you don’t send it right away. Maybe just getting it all out of you will help you come to terms with how you feel. And if you’re still not totally at peace, go ahead and send it.
January 29, 2008 | 4:54 pm
Forgiveness is such a powerful move….I say, write that email!! I know it’s hard and takes alot out of you but in the end you will feel as light as a feather. Whether they receive it, respond or not…you will feel the weight of that release so strongly and deeply. Most importantly, you will feel Gods smile to the depths of your bones girl.
I did this…but not with a friend. I wrote a letter to the man that killed my brother and in that moment, it brought one of the biggest inner healing that I ever experienced.
Forgivenes…a powerful thing I tell you.
Follow the voice that is whispering in your heart….in your spirit.